He asked me if anything was wrong and I told him that he was way out of my league. He laughed it off and told me not to worry about it.
But to my surprise he not only called but he also wanted to take me out on a date again. All my life, I have been in relationships with the wrong men- drug addicts, cheaters, jobless men and I never believed that I could attract the right man in my life. His world is so different from mine and I feel it is only a matter of time before he finds out I am a misfit.
All his colleagues are either dating or have been married to professional women. He dismisses my concerns that I worry too much and that I should learn to relax and take things easy. I do like him and enjoy the time I spend with him but I am also scared of entering into a what appears to be a serious relationship. Should I continue dating a man out of my league?
Stop Saying He (Or She) Is Out Of Your League
Do you have any advice on ways I can better deal with my negative thoughts? I understand your feelings of uncertainty, and know how it is when an old, predictable pattern gets interrupted. If I may translate this data, he has a job which pays well, he looks good, and he is a pretty good communicator… which all sounds great.
However important, we may need to table that issue for another time. Money comes and goes.
5 Reasons Why Someone Isn’t Out Of Your League (And Why Leagues Don’t Exist)
I am smart, wildly ambitious, self-motivated, silly, fun-loving and energetic. If someone doesn't find value in those attributes, then we weren't meant to be in the first place. It didn't work out with that super hot guy because it wasn't meant to work out. And I don't mean that in some fate-oriented, "true love will come one day," way. I mean purely in the sense that no matter how physically attractive someone is, if they don't have the values to appreciate things like intelligence, ambition and laughter, then we never would have worked out anyway.
Now, that's not to say that all "hot" people are superficial and that everyone who is not stereotypically "hot" is a genuine person.
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If you're thinking this right now, then you're still in the mindset of League Theory. On the contrary, the point is that the combination of those attributes -- physical attraction and emotional suitability -- is what makes someone attractive. We need to stop forming silly little leagues based on the shape of someone's cheekbones. When you think like this, you can save yourself the heartbreak, time and energy that would have been associated if the person did pursue you and then you realized that you weren't a great fit together.
5 Reasons Why Someone Isn’t Out Of Your League (And Why Leagues Don’t Exist) | Thought Catalog
I have absolutely no interest in dating a shallow robot whose only redeeming qualities are their abilities to dress well and grow a nice set of facial hair. I'm way more interested in being with someone who has similar interests and is oriented around the same values that I am passionate about.
Now, everyone is not like me. We all have a different idea in mind for the type of personality and emotional and intellectual attributes that we desire in our "ideal" partner. But the point is that one thing is true for all of us: If you have low self-esteem, you hold yourself to lower standards. You may find Lil Wayne and the teardrop tattoos on his face to be the biggest turn-on ever. Your best friend might agree with People magazine, that Adam Levine is the sexiest man alive.
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You may only be attracted to white people, whereas I may only like Spanish people. Some guys like bigger girls, other guys like girls who look emaciated. We live in a world where everyone has their own taste.
With so many definitions of aesthetically pleasing appearances, does the league actually exist? Personally, I believe a good personality can make you or break you. Having a friendly demeanor and a good sense of humor can make you infinitely more attractive to a person who is seeking just that. With out these recognized categorizations of what feature of a person is considered more attractive, there is no definitive league that exists.
Any social rank worth having is something that is most of the time earned. Social standing can also have the opposite effect. It can give capital power to a shitty person. The beautiful part of an esteemed social standing amongst peers is that it can make someone who you thought was repulsive seem like the nicest, cutest guy around.